Abort, Run, Leave, Save Myself…NOW

MinDog I hold you responsible for this real life trauma. Your status as my new life coach is on pause. That frees up more time for other clients. We can talk. I may rehire you but for now…pause.


...


If you have been following this blog you already know a few things. I have been dating. MinDog has been advising/demanding/bullying me to let go of a few things on my 'must have' list, to decrease the boundaries I have set up and be more open minded when it comes to the men I am willing to date. Normally sound advice. This time not so much.


THE SUIT


I love a man in a suit. Always have. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm around men who wear black all day and roll around on the floor for a living(I'm exaggerating but you get my point). I have never really been interested in an actor; I have always gravitated toward men in suits. It might be because it automatically, for the most part, it tells me that that man probably doesn't do what I do. He is not an actor. 


That is always a plus. I'm not saying actors don't wear suits…but I am also not interested in an actor in a suit. Again I don't know why, okay I do know why. I mean some actor could come along and completely change my mind but right now I highly doubt it.


There is more to this suit thing too…I confess, I do know a BIT about my love/obsession with a man in a suit, but I have to get into that on another day…wait for it, the wait is worth it.


THE TRAUMA – you only get the bare bones of this real life trauma because I just CAN'T! I can't bare to relay this one in detail.


I was out with a friend and there was this man who would not leave me alone. He was good looking, nice, clean cut, conversation was relatively interesting but I wasn't interested. The voices of my friends were in my head. Most prominent MinDog. So I decided to go against my instinct(when will I learn this is never good) and say okay we can communicate with each outside of this place. As one of my friends always says, "It's something to do." I thought MinDog will be proud of me. This was a step toward being more open minded.
Well, a date was set. I was to meet him for dinner. I was feeling especially good that day so I decided to be extra with the outfit. I was GIVING everything. I was truly fierce. If the date turned out to be a failure I could always call my friends to link up with them and continue the night shitty fabulously. There was nothing to lose.


I get to the place. He picked a nice spot. I had never been there. That was a plus. Well I'm there, I'm waiting. He enters. My mouth drops. I can't believe my eyes. He must have been feeling especially good that day too because he had on a suit.


It, however, was one of those suits. The suit that I joke about all the time. I associate it with pimps(fake and real from the hood), 90 year olds with gold teeth and chains and others. The jacket is extra long, it's usually pin striped, or in a primary color…his was blue, royal blue. This is not a joke. I wish I was joking but I'm not. I never looked at his feet because I was afraid. The types of shoes usually worn with those suits are enough to make me run...I would of run if I saw what I think was most likely there. It was better that I never looked.


There was no hint at any point that this was a possibility. Not in conversation. Not in the attire I had seen him in prior to this night. Not in the place I met him. Not in his choice of place for this date. Not in anything…


WHAT TO DO?


I stood there contemplating my choices. He hadn't seen me yet so I could hide in the bathroom and exit when the opportunity presented itself. I could send him a message or call and apologize saying sorry something unexpected happened. I could just imagine I had on an invisibility cloak and walk right by him and as he called my name pretend I had lost my ability to hear and keep it moving…I could ask the server to send him a drink at the bar and then slyly dip out once he sat down. All good options. All very wrong and slightly insane.


Call me what you will but a long jacket suit tells me a lot of things about a person and I began to wonder what kind of person he really is. I really don't want to sit next to him in that loud long jacket suit but I had to investigate. Maybe this was a joke. Perhaps he wanted to make me laugh. I had to learn more. Does he think he is 'doing it' dressed in that garb? Is that his going out suit? WOW! He can't possibly wear that suit to work…and I guess I assumed he wore suits to work.


Assumptions are wrong.


THE TRAUMA CONTINUES


Oh my, is that a hat in his hand? I approach.


Metch: Hi how are you?


Royal as in Blue: Hey beautiful. I think our table is ready.


Metch: Oh.


Royal as in Blue: Is something wrong?


Metch: No.


Royal as in Blue: You sure?


Metch: Yes.


I hate myself because I couldn't say more than one word. I decided I didn't want to or need to know more. Forget investigation. Just forget it. If I did say more than one word I was liable to ask about the suit and I don't want to seem superficial or anything and I don't want to seem too interested either. I am officially the worst. Why did his suit change everything? Granted I wasn't really interested in the first place but he is a nice man and I think nice people should be treated nicely and pretending to be okay with his suit is many things and nice is not one of those things...shoot, I have got to learn to follow my instincts.


Maybe my 'must have' list is so severe because that is all I can handle. See if I adhere to the list I don't have to worry about these kinds of surprises...


He could have one in every color. He could want to take me on another date. He could show up in a red one…once again I am traumatized by who I am…why does this matter to me…it's just clothing…am I serious?


Yes I am.


At this point we had been seated. I was sitting there smiling and talking to him but I wasn't really there. I was in my head. I was, once again, traumatized by his suit and my real life reaction to it…
Royal as in Blue: So would you want to do this again? I would like to take you somewhere else and spend time with you.


Metch: Um.


Royal as in Blue: I know what that means.


Metch: Oh no. I just. Sure we could POSSIBLY do this again.


Royal as in Blue: I don't meet your standards. Do I?


Metch: Standards? Why would you say that?


MORE TRAUMA. He is hip to me and I have to be direct but I don't want to be mean. What do I say? I know. Nothing. No response is a response.


But then Royal as in Blue said, "You seem uninterested."


Metch: Do I? I apologize I just have a lot on my mind. Maybe this wasn't the best time to meet you for dinner. I should have cancelled but since it was planned for some time I didn't want to cancel at the last minute. I apologize.


Royal as in Blue: I understand.


With that I knew he really understood. He heard what I was really saying and I felt horrible…


MinDog I blame you!


This team building/ getting my numbers up stuff is for the birds. Not for me MinDog...but I'm still trying. At least for one more week, okay I'll give it two...