Now I must...

So I have finally caught up on some of the comments on here from the posts.

Now I must...

There are always exceptions BUT...

1. Women who pursue men are going to attract men who like to be pursued...a submissive. There is nothing wrong with that, if it that's your cup of tea...If you like to buy flowers and plan romantic getaways instead of receive them. But if you are looking for someone who is more of an Alpha Male, aggressive, mans'/man kind of dude...you need to know that they will reach out an chase YOU, if they are interested. So are you "waiting"...yes and there is nothing wrong with that. I'd rather wait a few days for Male A to call me, than chase Male B with texts, calls, and plans... Now if Male A doesn't call...THAT MEANS HE IS NOT INTERESTED and THAT IS OK! Thank You, NEXT!

And a side not on "waiting"...WOMEN you should have a life that consists of more than your dating...so are you really waiting? NO you are actually living your life! And when he calls...GREAT! Water your gardens ladies!

2. Women don't recognize their own power and value! Sure, shoot a text or call, ask him out on a date, send a sexy note, whatever...BUT if you are the only one initiating, there is a PROBLEM...Again, if I have to initiate everything now, when we are on our best behavior because it is new...IMAGINE what happens if we get serious!!

3. KNOW YOUR ROLE! If you are an aggressive woman BE ONE! Get your man girl, or girl girl! More power to ya!

Unfortunately, what happens is that a lot of women pursue out of insecurity and longing to be with someone, and are not actually the aggressive type of woman. They end up attracting and getting that submissive man who loved being pursued and they start a long term thing.

The Problem: Down the road the woman gets tired of doing EVERYTHING, and angry that, " I always have to do this and do that." She feels trapped in an empty relationship lacking intimacy, because she wasn't true to herself from the beginning. She was insecure and worried about getting a man. If you like to be pursued allow it to happen. That doesn't mean don't reciprocate...it means let him do the most. And if he enjoys that...he is the type of guy you want anyway!

THE TEST: You shouldn't call or text Male A if the impulse to do so comes out of you really wishing he would call or text you. If you are wondering why he hasn't, and stressing, thinking that maybe you should just "take the lead" "be a strong grown woman" "go get what you want, this is 2010"... maybe you should reconsider. This is a sign that you are NOT an aggressor. You want a guy that will come and get you.

Now if you are sitting around and thinking about Male A and say to yourself, "Self, it would be so fun to go out with Male A today, let me see if he is busy." This is a good indicator that you like to be aggressive. Because there was no angst involved. You are not expecting him to call and reach out, because you have a genuine impulse to do it yourself, because you like it!...no strings attached.

4. I do not advocate (as a life coach, LOL) not having standards. I myself have high standards. I believe we all should have high standards in what we are looking for in a life partner and I don't believe in settling. But how do we get that life partner? We have to look beyond!

I advocate giving folks a chance to impress. Not judging a book by its cover. That is what dating is about. Meeting and going out with folks so that you can see if you are interested. If not...press on! That is the shitty fabb thing to do.

Have a base level of requirements that are simple enough to give folks a chance. Like for me...I had to be attracted physically, and he had to make me laugh when we met. If a guy met that, I was willing to go on a date. So what if I prefer brown eyes to hazel, or 6' 3" to 5' 10", or didn't like his shoes, or loved his shoes...those were the small things. If he met the basic date requirements I would give him a shot. We must remember it is only a DATE and a "getting to know you", not a life commitment. Besides, it is WHO a person really is that we fall in deep, true, love with. That WHO is so much deeper than how a person looks or dresses and can't be seen with the eyes. Something that may have been a turn off, oftentimes, becomes a turn on after love happens.

EXAMPLE: My Ole' Buzzard's terrible space sneakers and white cowboy boots. He swears by them, won't get rid of them, and in the beginning when we were dating made me think he was the corniest person alive. I wondered if I could stand it! But what I learned by giving him a chance is that he lives life defined by his own terms! He doesn't allow others to decide what he likes...And THAT is very attractive! Now we laugh at his sometimes crazy footwear selection and i think it is cute. Because believe me...he's got some footwear!


And for the record folks...When I say, "Get your numbers up", I mean that women should stop looking for Mr. Right and start enjoying life. All of our dates don't have to be with Mr. Perfect...and guess what NO ONE EVER IS! We ALL fall short! Embrace the quirks inherent in human beings and realize that because we don't know ourselves nearly as well as we think we do, we may find love by accident in the most unlikely of places.

And that is how I feel...Life Coach OWT! PEACE!