101 Dayz - Nipples

I guess I'll begin with an update to catch you up to where I am now.

I have gained about 20 pounds...

Am just about in my 7th month...

I itch like crazy...

Thank God I have not gotten any stretch marks yet (thanks to Monica Kapoor)...

Am studying the Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth...

Did I mention that I am having a natural childbirth? WERK!

And the craziest thing so far is my nipples!

THE NIPPLE STORY

In my first trimester my nipples began to itch like CRAZY! Especially my right one! Why did no one ever tell me this could happen?

And when I asked Crazy Heart (my MOM) all she said was, "Oh yeah, the old nipple itch."

But I had a solution...

I got my bath gloves out of the shower, left them dry and sat for a day scratching my little right boob and it felt divine.

D said it was a bad idea but I thought, "What does he know, his nipple doesn't itch like this!"

So the following day I did it a bit more. This time it felt good, but hurt too. You know like when you have a itch and you keep scratching it because it feels good, but burns at the same time...or is it just me?

Annnnywwaaayyyy... The next day I was greeted with scabs...DID YOU HEAR ME!! SCABS on my NIPPLE! ALL OVER!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The worst part...

As I told my friends my story of horror/ comedy (because I find most things very funny, especially after the pain is gone...) no one was surprised...

PHOTO: Me pregnant sleeping at a club where I had just hosted the Out of the Ensemble Cabaret...Chosen because I think my boobs look FIERCE!!

MINdog OWT!

Makeup Madness- A Poorly Written Silent Thought Short

INT. Metch's bedroom.


Enter Metch. She sits in front of the mirror and shakes her head approximately eight million times while looking at all of the makeup that sits before her. She stares at the brushes, the sponge applicators, the tweezers, the sharpener, the q-tips and cotton balls, the wipes. Metch considers crying. She doesn't. She shakes her head some more and then she gets down to business…step 1, step 2, step 3…Camera zooms in on her hand as she picks up the bottle of essential oils. Cue Music. Flashback: We see Metch as a little girl watching her mother. Her mother completes her morning routine. There is no makeup. Return to present- Metch still in front of the mirror. Still shaking her head. Still with the makeup and tools required to apply it.


I've seen the occasional old picture of my mother wearing a shade of red lipstick. That's it. Those pictures were taken before I was even a thought or the surprise I'm I happy I was. In my lifetime I have never seen my mother apply or wear any type of makeup. I assume it's because of this that I never longed to wear any. As a matter of fact I never imagined that I would wear it outside of what was needed for the stage. During high school I went through phases. I wore lipstick sometimes. Mascara became a must and I discovered the beauty of a waxed eyebrow. That didn't seem too far gone…it wasn't. I thought that's all there was. That's all there would/should be.


Now I have to wear makeup all the time. I'm talking serious makeup. I'm talking steps here: a mist of essential oils, moisturizer, primer, concealer, foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, bronzer, blush, lip liner, lipstick, gloss and finally another spray of essential oils and if I feel like I lack luster- a spray of fix plus, too much luster-finishing powder. Even when I want to appear natural, as if I don't have any makeup on, the same steps are required.


I can't go to an on- camera audition without the face being beat. I can't. Not my rule but the camera's rule. I definitely don't want to get feedback from a casting director, via my agent, asking, "can you tell her to wear makeup?" Yep, that has actually happened... The camera also calls for lashes. Try wearing lashes three or more times a week and then try not wearing them. When I don't have to wear them and I look in the mirror I'm confused. Is something missing? Why do I look bald in the eye area? I look bald eyed. Comedy. Pure comedy. We won't even talk about the contouring and highlighting that has to take place sometimes. Makeup is serious business.


Some days the thought of putting makeup on almost kills me(yes I'm being a little dramatic but in the moment it really does feel like I'm about to die, a fake death, but still a death). Some days I look in the mirror and think I must apply the layers because the world should not be punished. Some days I recognize that thought as insanity. Some days I take that thought to be the absolute truth. The more I look at myself with makeup on… the more I am led to crazy when I look at myself without it. Makeup and makeup alone is responsible for sightings of the dusty gray cow. WHAT THE WHAT???? What happened to my days of all natural, of cocoa butter and a little vaseline on the lip?


My trips to Sephora and MAC are going to break me.


I hate having a night time face in the middle of the day…this is SHITTY FABNESS at its height. My constant complaints about having to wear makeup are pretty SHITTY FAB, I know. In the real world no one cares, I don't care, the complaints don't change anything and yes there are greater issues to think about, but in these moments, in the hyperbolic run of my mind, having to wear makeup ten days in a row is the end of the world.


In a bit I have to go to an audition and like every audition day I dare to consider not putting the crazy on my face. I have yet to let my real desire win. I put the layers on every time. I wish I wouldn't do it today, but I will. I hate the feeling of it on my face. It's a layer of shit. I feel like my face is smeared with shit. I mean that's what it looks like if I hug someone and hold my head at the wrong angle and it rubs off. Sorry if it's ever been you. When will the create a product that ends rub off?


The application is complete. It looks good. Doesn't feel good but it looks good, at least not today. It doesn't feel good today. I confess that I like it sometimes…that's a different entry…a different poorly written silent thought short.


Exit Metch, the makeup laden actor. She rushes out of the door asking, "who created HD?" More business to tend to, more face to give. She has to hurry because once she reaches her destination she'll have to touch up the crazy.


Later that day she writes a letter.


Dear Skin,


I'm sorry. I apologize for being SHITTY FAB and having to wear makeup more often than not.


Love, Metch.

The Mind of MinDog

Some people think I am crazy. I have heard that so much! "You are so crazy...chile' are so crazy...girl you are crazy." And I think that I have to agree with them.

Sometimes the thoughts that go through my mind are indeed "wild" and "insane", and yes, sometimes the outer manifestation of said thoughts are "wild" and "insane"...so labels being what they are, call me crazy...

I would even venture to say that most, if not all, of my friends and family are crazy and that I think most people should give it a try!

Here is a crazy test...If you have/ do at least 5 of these things I think you qualify! Congrats!

CALL ME CRAZY BUT...

I talk to...and answer myself all of the time.

I hear theme music in my head oftentimes that gets me excited and pumped.

I pick the skin off of my thumbs.

I had a security blanket and sucked my tongue until I was aprox. 23 years old.

I am prone to spontaneous dancing in public places (could it be the theme music...I think NOT).

I dress for whatever emotional state I am in on any given day.

I am afraid of the dark, animals, aliens, ghosts, and all things unknown except for God. I love God.

I think I am secretly dying from an undiscovered illness.

I am slightly a hypochondriac, germaphobe, hoarder, with mild self diagnosed OCD.

I don't like bodily fluids.

I am a Robinson...those who know the Robinsons understand this with a certain level of intensity and respect.

THE BRIGHT SIDE-"EFFECTS"

I am able to believe in the "impossible."

I see the beauty in all things...even the ones that frighten me.

I love LIFE and LIVING.

I laugh A LOT.

I take risks.

So crazy?...May not be such a bad idea.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU KNEW YOU COULD NOT FAIL?