Sunday 3:06 AM

Thinking.

Thinking about: shoes, missing children, evil, hot chocolate, shut downs (government and other kinds), fruit, fur, lists I need to make, events I have to attend this week, what to do with my hair, accountability, standing on my own, how the year is coming to an end, my obsession with goals, people who walked in and out of my life, the awesome people in my life, the length of my nails, blue nail polish, rye bread, colorful socks, blue objects on a shelf  near plenty of sunlight, happiness, acting, rashes, being rash, my instagram addiction, what's next, last week's sermon, rejuvenation, change, green juice, questions, and how I should cozy up to making blog posts again...

Thinking.  Thinking how listing my 3:06 AM thoughts is sort of like a makeup-less self portrait.

So good at thinking and not sleeping.  So good at it.

Please, allow me to reintroduce this blog.  It's been a minute.  I'm back.

My Favorite Things

Mother Oprah isn't the only person with a list of favorite things!

In this moment my favorite things include:

Reminders of all kinds.  The simple reminders like, "don't forget your gloves it's cold out there," or "turn the light off you're wasting energy."  And the more profound reminders sent to you via text in the form of a quote of the day, "We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle

Unexpected support.  In my opinion, your mother must support you.  Everyone else lending support and encouragement is a surprise.  Keep surprising me world because I love it!  I promise to keep surprising people too.

Internet dating.  It provides joyful laughter in tons.

Phone calls.  Oh how I love phone calls that come just because someone wants to say hi.  I mean there is nothing better than connection.  Right?  In person is better but sometimes the phone will suffice.

Tea.  Tea is always one of my favorite things but it still made this "of the moment" list.  A little chai goes a long way.  Now if you don't want to make homemade chai- get a pot, fill it with as much almond milk as you'd like, add some of the red chai tea bags from Trader Joe's, vanilla, some cinnamon, a little nutmeg, some brown sugar and lots of love... let that baby boil, pour it in a tea cup or two and feel good about yourself as it goes down.  It tastes even better if you have a friend to share it with.

Soup.  I always forget how much I love soup until I have to pull out my hat, scarf, and gloves.  The other day I decided I wanted to make some.  Cooking is another one of my favorite things right now.  Have a go at  this  curry sweet potato apple soup recipe that I tried the other day.  It's DELICIOUS!!!  I did of course substitute vegetable broth for chicken broth and added lots of pepper.  ENJOY!!!


C. Snug Loop.    It's winter, it's cold, and I just saw the new color scheme I want.  I'll never have too many of these and I'll never stop giving them as gifts!  Haven't had a complaint yet.  Don't you want one?

What are some of your favorite things right now?

Letters To The World(and a specific person)... #2

Dear World,

You should know- I can't stand them.  Whether in a heated argument or prior to making a request they're not sure you'll say yes to, people who have to remind you of something/anything/everything they have ever done for you get on my nerves.  I can't stand them.  Those people irk me.

Every time somebody begins spouting what they've done for me I think about my mom.  She would be going on for years if she had to list everything she's done for me.  I'm glad she's not one of those people.  Don't think I'd be able to listen to that song.  Can you imagine?  "I was sure to nourish my body properly when you were in the womb, I gave birth to you, more specifically I let them cut me open when there was a chance you wouldn't survive, I fed you, burped you, changed your diapers, taught you how to walk, how to talk, I bathed you, I dressed you..."  See what I mean?  That would be a long song...I still hadn't turned a year when she was doing all of that.

With that in mind, how dare you volunteer to complete a task and then remind me/ throw it in my face that you did it because I choose not to do something you want me to do.

If my mom doesn't remind me of what she's done for me- YOU CAN'T EITHER!

I had no idea that time would pass and that service or item you voluntarily provided would mean I owed you my life.  What the what!  Since when did an act of kindness have to be repaid with whatever you fancy whenever you fancy it.

It all makes me weary of accepting anything anybody, except my mom, is offering.

If I take something from you that automatically means I can never say no when you ask me for something?  Is that how it works?  If I say no, I have to be ready to hear "but I gave you a ride when you needed one, that time you were hungry I fed you, when you couldn't sleep I stayed awake to keep you company, when you were thirsty I walked two inches and passed you your bottle of water, when you needed this I gave you this and when you needed that I gave you that..."

SHUT UP!

I declare today the day of doing things because you want to and not because you want to lord it over me in the future, force me to do things I don't want to do or announce from the mountaintops what a great person you are since you did x, y, and z.

Do things because you want to do them, do things because you have a kind heart, do things out of love and then forget you've done them.  Please and thank you.


Sincerely,

Metch

Letters To The World(and a specific person)... #1

Last Night

We were ending a phone conversation.

I said, "hurry, make your way my way."

He said, "I am making my way your way."


Wow.


If we weren't speaking of getting to a location, if he wasn't like a brother and if that man didn't get on the train eating funky beef and broccolli, I'd still be imagining what his making my way his way could mean.

Monday Nudge

with assistance: learning to live with our flaws, comment on them less, accept them, love them, eliminate them in due time and as needed -while considering what fearless really means

because i appreciate the assistance i had to pull out several versions of a classic.

in the first i like to think i'm ms. knight at the 2:45 mark.

in the second i like to be mr. vandross and mr. wonder.

in the third i definitely assume the role of mr. elton john because of the drama in his hands as he sings and the way he comes in at the 3:13 mark.

the fourth is here simply because i adore the fashion, it's live, ms. lena horne is on that stage and the song became 7 minutes long.

that harmonica gets me every time.

did i o.d. by posting four takes of the same song? i think not.

enjoy!

To Keep From Wondering

As I turn the pages of this Home Design issue I keep thinking, dreaming of my candy apple red rocking chair. It's beautiful. So are all the wooden, rusty, wonderful things that surround it. The metal. A throw. The brick. All different- warm, cozy, and crisp. Stark but vivid. Naturally I contradict myself. I place the chair in the rooms on the pages and it fits. This chair can be placed anywhere. It's magical, IT'S CANDY APPLE RED, and at the moment it's my calming thought.


I'm all over the place but I'm in my space.


In my head I'm constantly decorating my hole, my hovel, my cave, my fabulous palace. It's never quite right. I have to switch one thing in that room and place another in this area and will I really have a lime green room just for chit chat? Yes, but that means I have to have an all white room for balance but not really white, something like white. I imagine taking over two years to have only the basics in place. I imagine the ongoing fun of getting it nowhere near right.


This activity occupies time and it calms me. It's the run-on sentence in my head…one of them. This is one I enjoy.
I think about hammering, knocking walls down and tiling or watching it all be done and I get excited. Think Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghosts but it's just me. Mmmm...maybe not. Instead think MinDog completing her recent kitchen renovation-that's more accurate.
All my fantasy decorating and renovating gives me a break from wondering about the following things:

Is daily affirmation all it's said to be?


Is my current daily affirmation (I THINK ALL THE THINGS I AM ARE EXTRAORDINARY) a bit much?


I'm getting older; this means my mother is getting older…


The danger of jealousy...


My evolving sense of humor...


When did I begin to enjoy grocery shopping so much?


When did I begin to enjoy cooking so much?


Wanting to dream about something new and not knowing what that new something is…


Dreams are supposed to grow and change and get bigger and include more…I think…


I start so many things…


I have so many ideas…


I wonder where I will be in five years. I know where I want to be. Will I be there then?


I want to run away to some foreign land, not for too long and only after I accomplish the ever growing laundry list of things I've decided I have to accomplish. Sometimes I think by the time I accomplish them I won't be able to walk anymore let alone run…


What are you waiting for?


I remind myself to live in the moment. I hate that phrase. Live in the moment. It's annoying. Unfortunately and fortunately as a person, an actor, I hear and think it way too often…


Why cyclical? Everything is so cyclical…GEEZ…


Why did I pick up the vegan ice cream? I wish I would have purchased the real deal!


Uggh…

The list goes on of course but I stop there and think of my candy apple red rocking chair. It's huge, its made of wood and I have no idea which room I'll put it in.
Step 1: ACQUIRE THE SPACE…

BUSY!

Approaching

In exactly one month I will be 12 years old again. Every year on the approaching date I turn 12. Cyclically turning 12 gives me the opportunity to NOT get it right. I look at it this way- I'm going to turn 12 again next year, why not succeed or fail without being afraid?


I'm looking into the future people. Nothing too out there. A simple list of things that can be easily achieved in a year...let's go.


Generally I will spend the year celebrating being alive and I will also celebrate or do the following:


I get to be an aunty/godmother /cousin/ friend/secret keeper and love giver to a few babies on their way


I get another year to figure out why ice cream is the only dairy product I will never leave alone


I get another year to invent new ways to cook spinach and kale


…another year to enjoy, explore and examine food


Another year of conversations with my dearests


More wine with my dearests


Another year of fake complaining while realizing how wonderful my life is


Another year of hugs, hugs, hugs


More late night reading


Another year to celebrate shitty fabulousness- moving closer to the fabulous part of it more often but not pretending the shitty doesn't exist


Another year of sending and receiving letters from my pen pal


Another year to try things I have never tried before: going really far into the ocean without a life vest(I can swim but I'm not confident in my swimming and the vastness of the ocean scares me- I'll need a companion for that one), doing fewer things alone(I'm really good at doing things alone, now to try doing more things with other people- MinDog and T don't count), skydiving, disappearing


Another year of acting, right now that means auditioning, I'll still call it acting


More private dance parties for one(meaning me, just me)


An attitude adjustment (can't say what that means exactly- it's always a surprise)


Expanding


Jumping at least once a month- that means at least 12 times(in honor of my 12^th b-day)…the meaning of jump is to be determined(I'll write a report at the end of the year detailing the jumps)


I will continue with my living out front journey- now with more insight and love for the idea...I have so much love for the idea and the doing...


This year I'll write one poem(I won't share it though, my poems are bad-that's a truth not a judgment)


This year I will be ready to do that dang fitness competition at some point(September is step it up time)


It is my aim to not cut anyone out of my life this year. I want to take all of my meaningful relationships to a deeper level…


I want to start a conversation with at least two strangers and have that conversation be the beginning of a lasting friendship


I challenge myself(and MinDog) to continue this nonsensical blog


I commit to a year of wonder


Laughter for all


Demolish another wall...I will demolish another wall, I will demolish another wall!


Volunteer more often- right now I am at once a month…I will MAKE time for at least twice a month


Get my driver's license


Become more clear about what I want and better at stating it


Fill my life with more lists(a list is joy)


More of this and less of that, more that and less of this


I could go on and on...for now this will do...

I KNOW THAT PLANS CHANGE!

Moving Too Fast

Having to check in is a beautiful marker. If I am about to do something and I have to check in with a friend before I do it that probably means I am moving too fast. That probably means I am letting go. Throwing caution to the wind and giving up control. I know it doesn't sound like it. Having to check in is just another way of making sure you are doing the right thing, another form of control...true for most people…for me, a step forward.


I have been checking in a lot lately. I have also been patting myself on the back for doing so. My back is sore.


It's the living out front phase I've decided to sit in. Ordinarily I wouldn't ask about actions I want to take. I would not consider such actions. I used to stop thoughts before they fully formed for fear of putting me out there in front of myself. I know that phrase is tough to wrap your head around but it's the truth. I have been so fearful of so many things(things like my feelings, my fears) for so long that I wouldn't even allow myself to really think about them. Talk about them? NEVER.


That's the glorious thing about growth and "manning up." That's the wonderful thing about having people in my life who have been willing to share despite my unwillingness- really my not knowing how to share- really my fear of sharing- really my fear of being known...
Right now I am moving too fast. It's a little nerve wrecking to put my control freak in the back seat. I grew up with her... Doing this has made me jumpier than usual and I kind of like it. I admit it's not smooth. It's also not so rigid, so square, so predictable…so controlled...it's light, very light.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The last post I wrote was Lonely? After I posted it I received several text messages and calls asking if I was okay and if I needed to talk or if I wanted some rice or tea or ice cream. I love my friends. Thank you. I had no idea, though MinDog warned me, that that post would make my friends feel like they should contact me or random people feel like they should give me advice. I AM JUST FINE. I AM NOT ABOUT TO SLIT ANYTHING. I WAS HAVING A MOMENT. A VERY BRIEF MOMENT. I WAS SHARING, LIVING OUT FRONT. That's all it was/is. Come on, I love my life it is so shitty fab! On another note, I didn't even know that 90% of you who sent text messages and called read our blog. What the what? Why aren't you followers? Don't be afraid to follow. WE WILL NOT BITE YOU!

wishes are prayers...rambling and rambling

wish i could be on stage right now, acting my little heart out.

wish i had some text written by an amazing playwright. text that would guide me and show me the easy way in. the easy way out...

i wish i was on stage, acting with actors, learning and stealing, and living and being.

i wish i could just sit and not wish. but i think not wishing is strange. i wish that i could wish for something else.

i wish a lot.

while i'm doing everything i wish. not in an "i can't live in the moment way" but in a "this wish is a bridge of belief that will carry me into the next moment kind of way"...maybe that doesn't make sense...

i wish is a funny phrase. i wish that wishes came true as soon as you thought of them or whispered them.

it's better when you whisper them. they seem more magical that way.

wishes are prayers.

maybe that's why i like whispering them. i whisper my prayers at night and in the morning. throughout the day it's more of a mumble.

i wish, i mean i pray...

i am satisfied but of course i want more...that doesn't make sense either but it's how i feel. i think feelings are supposed to be irrelevant or i'm supposed to pretend they are. well, that's the problem with living out front...all pretense slowly melts away and then your wishes/prayers are heard by all...

some of the things i have in my life i wished for since i was a child. that means i have to keep on wishing...praying(all while being active of course).

that makes sense...

Fear

Folks who know me know that I live life with a sense of fear and anxiety about random things that I constantly have to face and muster up the bravery to overcome so that I can live a great shitty fabulous life...

DOGS
CATS
FISH
ANIMALS of all kinds (even cute ones and even small ones)
DRIVING IN THE RAIN
FAILURE and SUCCESS
BEING UTTERLY ALONE
HAVING BABIES
HAVING A DISEASE
THE UNKNOWN
PAIN
NEEDLES
THE DARK...

The list goes on and on and I have spent my entire life doing things in spite of my fears. Yay pat me on the back!!! BUT...

One such fear that seems to get in the way of me being bi-coastal is that I AM AFRAID TO FLY!!!!!

I have been on tour for 2 years! On and off of planes! BUT I HATE FLYING!

HOW will I ever travel the world! (Because that is something I want to do!)

I have to go shoot this Outlaw scene in LA, but I am scared to go back! And I am on a flight at 9am...so I won't be able to induce sleep! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!!??

I guess I will do as always...

Say a prayer, and hop on the plane. Not complain about the flight time, and thank God for all the things that happen in my life.

LIVE LIFE! MinDOG OWT!

It Is.

The short red dress. The living in the moment. The trash. The trashcan. The laughter. The photographer. This photo. The city. The carefree spirit. The cars zipping by. The street. The trash in the trashcan. The location we were going to. The witch at the location we had just left. The place we began. The entire night. My life. Our lives. The music. The heels and the flats. Not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The view from here. The vindication. The taxi ride. The taxi driver. People wanting to bite us. The flash. The fountain. The bench. The bags. The announcement. The people we wanted to help but couldn't so we didn't. The single coin in the fountain. The trying to scale a wall of bushes and realizing that was a bad idea. The elevator full of inquiry. The two seconds of jazz. The quick departure. The slow departure. The taxi vs. train debate. The taxi. The train. The phone call. The writing of a blog post. The starting with sunlight and ending with street light. The old man game. The reading/the looking over sides when I should have just gone to sleep. The wonder. The waking up to do most of it again, even if only in my head. The new news and the recap. The shattered glass. The wait.

All of this- life. Combining all of these things is Shitty Fab! It is.

Still don't know what we mean by shitty fab? Click here to find out.

photograph by Christine Jean Chambers

SIMPLICITY…More On My Obsession

Why the google image of a giraffe's head? Come along...


It's not random after all.


At night when I can't fall asleep and I want to fall asleep I lie in bed and silently commit all energy to one of my favorite obsessions. If you guessed reading, you are wrong. If you guessed list making, you know me well.


I choose a word, any word will do, and I make a list inspired by that word. I always remember the list in the morning. I always remember the word that took me for the most detailed ride. The word that stops and starts my thinking, the word that makes me forget about the asterisks I've mentally placed after certain words or phrases as a reminder to create a sub-list…the next thing I know my memories are alive, I am creating new ones, my imagination is going, I am dreaming and it's time to wake. That's how it happens.


Why the giraffe? Well…


The word that inspired last night's list was SIMPLICITY...the words in yellow are words that seem to always appear on my "night time I just want to sleep and dream" lists and other random lists no matter what the inspiration is.


SIMPLICITY- a night time I just want to sleep and dream list.


Sunshine.*



Alice.


Vanilla ice cream.*



Clogs.


Skirts and dresses.


Flowers.


Dirt.


Water.*



Music.


Blue.


Skin.


People.


A person.


Sky.


No landing required.


Lots of air.*


Sanity.


Holding.


Hands. *



Ice.


Jumping.


Her moving story.


Alice.


Honesty. *



Laughter*



This time laughter was at the end of the list. It usually appears earlier and more than once.


Laughter was the word that took me for a ride.


Laughter made me think about aliens and comedians doing stereotypical imitations of Black women. I laughed out loud and then I was dreaming.


My dream was about a trip to the zoo. I remember a giraffe staring at me for an eternity and I remember ants and I remember laughing at the ants and I remember the list.


Share a list with me…?

Get Your Numbers Up

*This post may get me in trouble with a few of the men in my life(not really)…don't be offended…it is what it is and it's all in fun, I'm just typing a part of the reality. Just remember I DO NOT have a team…and most women will not admit to having one either…they will play dumb. If you ask them about it, unless they are a good friend of yours, they will play dumb…this is a general truth among the women I know and not a universal one…


I have been reprimanded. Once again MinDog has reprimanded me. She is so good at that. She really is. The woman has a knack for simultaneously making me recognize the error of my ways and pumping me up to do the impossible or the thing I don't want to do. I don't know about this one though. I'm not too pumped up to complete this task. Today she said, "Your problem is in your numbers. Get your numbers up son. You need to rebuild your team. Because what you are working with now…it's flawed. Your team is flawed. Call T, get your dresses on, and get to team building. Your current situation is a no go. I repeat your team is FLAWED."


My team? I don't have one at the moment and I don't want one and I guess this is what angers MinDog. Ultimately my desire to be team-less is altering the plan she has for my life. You know- I get married, my husband and I hang out with her and her old buzzard, we both have kids, our kids play together and so on…If I had a team the plan might seem more tangible. Without a team I guess she doesn't see how her plan for my life will be realized...it's a must that I build one. It's a must that my approved team be formed.
I should define team before I go any further.


TEAM: the party of men you are currently dating. Each man has a specific job, just like a player on a real sports team would. It's a team so if a player isn't doing his job well(scoring, defending or whatever- depending on the position he was recruited to fill) he can be replaced at any time without notice. Generally, said players do not know they are part of a team...it's rare but sometimes they do know...they may not even know what position they play…this can lead to difficulty because a player can break a contractual obligation and not even know it…this will inevitably lead to his dismissal…sometimes you(men) are left wondering why…why isn't she responding to you anymore…that's why…you broke a contractual obligation you weren't aware of…


If you need me to elaborate or give specific examples comment and I'll get back to you…for now that should be enough information to get you through this post.


Back to Min-
I get at least one call, email or text a week from Min(said like mean not min as in pin but Min as is mean) that says something along these lines, "I just met your husband" or "I just met a fully qualified potential team member" or "You should definitely date this guy." Since Min doesn't understand my desire to float freely in the world with Sammy(my future dog child) she wants to marry me off ASAP. WHAT THE WHAT????
Min has even taken to emailing me pictures of men that she wholeheartedly feels would be a perfect match for me or at least suitable to occupy a spot on my team. It's pretty funny. The last set of pictures came with this message: "You may not like his tie but he is a really nice guy. He's in a suit. I know you like that. Should I start the ground work…?" I also get a weekly suggestion of what I need to cross off of my 'must have' list immediately. Min thinks my list is hindering the team building.


Back to today's reprimand-
It all started because we were having a conversation about pursuing or being pursued. Min didn't like the fact that I was on track do something I have never done(what you do in high school or the first year of undergrad does not count). I was telling her that I was okay with the course of action I was about to take. I was going to continue with my "living out front" journey and pursue this man because I am interested. "Why would you do that? NO, NO, NO!" I replied with, "It's a change of pace. Why not? Why can't I just reach out?"


Min: This is what happens when your numbers are low. That's why I want you to get your numbers up!


Metch: Okay. But I'm interested, so why not?


Min: Because you don't want that. You want a man who is going to pursue you. You know you do. I know you do. If you pursue now, do you know what this is going to lead to?


Metch: What Min?


Min: You responsible for everything. The planning of everything. ALL THE TIME. NO, NO, NO! You do not want this, not like this. You are setting up a disaster if you take this route.


Metch: I don't think it's that serious.


Min: Yeah it is.


Metch: No it's not.


Min: Yeah it is because you are interested…you know what? This is the problem right here… Your problem is in your numbers. Get your numbers up son. You need to rebuild your team. Because what you are working with now…it's flawed. Your team is flawed. Call T, get your dresses on, and get to team building. Your current situation is a no go. I repeat your team is FLAWED.


Metch: Min.


Min: That's the truth. You can't see clearly because you don't have the correct amount or proper types of options. You can't see clearly so this one guy, and let me say- I don't think he's for you anyway, makes you think you want to do something dumb like pursue him. Get your numbers up because I can't take you calling me talking about you are about to be in pursuit of a man. You are KILLING ME. Please stop with that. It's foolish. You really need to learn how to date. You want a change of pace? It's all based in numbers…if you don't work the numbers you are not working it...it's time for you to get into the numbers...increase…get the numbers up NOW!


Metch: Um, uh, did you just get on me? Did you just rail? Did you just basically tell me my dating game is weak?


SILENCE


MORE SILENCE


CRICKETS


MORE CRICKETS


Metch: Okay, so um, so yeah. You said my dating game is weak.


Min: Uh, yeah! You are dating too few. How many ways do I need to say get your numbers up?


Metch: Um, okay, um…well…well, okay, okay. Okay. I will say that it's clear I wasn't ready to live out front with this one because I called you before taking action. That means I probably sensed the wrongness in what I was about to do. That means you are right. Kind of right. I will not pursue.


Min: Thank goodness.


Metch: Dating is dumb.


SILENCE


Metch: So I need to get my numbers up, huh? Teams are dumb.


Min: (she sighs…loudly)


Metch: Come on teams ARE dumb.


Min: Call it what you want to call it but know that what you are working with right now is flawed and too few.


Metch: I don't want a team. I mean I hear you and I know-


Min: Listen, get your numbers up, that's all I'm saying and I'm going to brush my teeth.


Metch: Okay, I'll think about getting my numbers up…how many players do I need again?


Min: Bye Son. Bye. I might call you back.


I can't be mad. I can laugh though. It's pretty funny. Min is planning my life right now. Whenever she isn't pleased with what I want to do she plans my life and then tells me what actions I need to take. It's true love. She's brushing her teeth right now planning my life. I'm sitting here typing this and I'm actually considering today's very specific suggestion. "Get your numbers up."


With a little reshaping and retooling and rethinking I definitely have what's needed to form a pretty powerful team and then if I add some new men…but that's not what I want. Teams require energy and it's a form of game playing and I'm not interested and I'm not willing to…okay, I'll think about it. I will.


In the mean time I'll plan the lives of MinDog's children who will be here within two years…they are going to make me rich.


My life she plans, her kids' lives I plan…I guess we're even.


Get my numbers up...hmm…I'm thinking about it…


TO BE CONTINUED FOR SURE.

Things & Maybe People I Love...It Started With A Thing...

A random list that I started making in my head this afternoon after warming some leftover Indian food. In no particular order, no edits, I typed this list just as it came to mind(interesting):

Warming leftovers on the stove or in the oven and not in the microwave.

The company of friends.

Rice.

Spinach.

Ice cream.

Laughing.

Laughing.

Laughing.

Connecting…

Wood, it's beautiful.

Flowers.

Plays, I like the live action.

Watching people move.

Watching people.

Crying because I'm happy.

Crying to free myself...

Making lists.

Free weights.

Back muscles.

Men.

Teaching.

Learning.

Richard Feldman.

Hands but not my own.

Fragments.

Jessica's brain.

Smart people.

Awkward moments.

Lifting things I can't carry.

My mom.

My family.

Hugs.

Dogs but not mean ones.

Praying.

Codes.

Code words.

Staring at scary things.

Movies in my mind.

Jumping rope…I should go get one.

Music.

Blue things.

Beaches. The water scares me but I still go in and love it anyway.

Water.

Sun.

Invisibility cloaks.

Tea.

The extreme.

Listening to my nephew and my mother go through their morning routine.("Let's pray ga-ma.")

Watching my nephew play Mario Kart.

Introductions.

Stating things.

Asking questions.

Silence.

Being loud.

Doodling.

Lines, stripes, color.

Defining things.

Being Black.

Touch screens.

Shopping.

Intensity.

Honesty.

Paper.

Expressing.

Not really talking about politics or religion or race…but talking about politics, religion and race.

Beautiful spirits.

Beautiful people.

Beautiful things.

Women.

Fruit.

Competition.

Computers.

Perfume, Empress Sea Salt Body Scrub.

Candles.

Fire…

To be continued? Maybe.

Distraction

I love lists.

The to do list, the places I want to go list, the people I want to meet list, the actors I'd like to kiss list, the things I would like to accomplish list, the places where I want to live/own homes list, the list of ultimate goals, the list of skills I'd like to acquire, the list of roles I'd like to play, the list of relationships to mend, the people I want to work with list(that shouldn't even be a list because I will work with anyone and for food), the list of potential names for my dog child, the list of people to uplift, the list of journeys I'd like to take, the list of things I want in place when I die, the reading list, the list of must-haves for the men I date, the list of movies I need to see or add to my netflix queue, the list of things I say I don't want but secretly do want, the list of jokes I can tell in awkward situations(I have nada on that list- I'll take any suggestions you have), the list of lists I want to make…

This morning I was walking down the street and I was going over two lists in my head. The list of things I am currently obsessed with and the list of things I've always been obsessed with...I was so focused on the duo that I stepped in shit...

Immediately my brain began creating the what I was doing each time I stepped in shit list. The list quickly veered from the literal...

Fabulous.