Not So Sure I Can Explain This...

The following are a few of the reasons I walk around feeling 'oh so fierce' most of the time: I am fierce, I have worked very hard for everything I have(I don't have much of anything) so why not, I have the ability to lie to myself when necessary, I know I have been blessed, the mantra running in my head at any given moment could be- "I've got it going on so hard right now, I've got it going on so hard right now, I've got it going on so hard right now" or " I am the truth and the light, I am the truth and the light," did I already list my ability to lie to myself and believe it?

The list continues: my friends are fierce so by default I am too, my mother, I'm five feet but in my head I am 6'3," sometimes when I look in the mirror I pretend My Mother/Lauryn Hill/Nina Simone/Diahann Carroll/Diana Sands/The Sister/anyone who is actually fierce is staring back at me, a memory I carry with me- when I was six I confessed to The Sister(she was the only person who always knew, everyone else thought I wanted to be a lawyer or teacher, it was easier to lie, they found out when I started undergrad and majored in what- THEATRE) in the stairwell of 1664 that I wanted to be an actor and she said, "you'd be good at it," and there are random people who I trust who have actually said, "you're fierce"...

Sometimes the list does not prevail, sometimes I have moments like this(see video beneath post)- you know the moments where nothing seems right, nothing fits, and you are wondering why a dusty gray cow is staring back at you when you look in the mirror...MinDog said it was my hormones...I had to believe her that day because the alternative is believing that the dusty gray cow is the truth and the 'oh so fierce' is the lie eventhough 'oh so fierce' is what I live with most of the time...

Hormones? Let's just hope that's what it is...and by the way MinDog surely did paraphrase I would never say pee...fuck I say, pee I don't say...