A Day and a Few Hours of Love, Start at the End..

7. In a cab. Headed home. Home, I love you. Kind of. In a way.

6. It's 11:30 AM. How did I end up on my sister's couch? I remember coming over, but I also remember leaving? I hear people in the house getting ready for the day. I see bright sunlight. I can tell it's beautiful out and here I am on the couch in the same clothing I had on the night before. Well, well, well. If I stay really still maybe I can piece things together. I love my sister's random office couch. Sometimes it feels just like a bed.

5. I did leave. I was trying to be budget conscious and I challenged myself to get on the train.

That was dumb. Now I know why I never do that.

I will not accept anymore challenges from myself when I am in a state that requires hyper-focus. So, I'm in the train station and it's only after I write and live through many scenes in my imaginative world, the world I can make active in an instant, that I realize I have been waiting for a long time. So long that I started to imagine myself with kids... and I imagine an entire scene where I explain to my children why we were coming home this late and why they had to be with the sitter instead of with mommy and daddy. "Mommy and daddy had to be fierce with their friends sweethearts," I said. That's what I said to the kids in my head. That's NOT good parenting.

At least it was mommy and daddy. It's all a jumble. Mommy and Daddy? Does this mean that in this scene I'm married or something...TOO MUCH. That scene reminded me that at the moment, I just want a dog child. Scene change: I imagine my dog child waiting for me in my home, the home I don't actually own yet, this home is the home I truly love. I imagine stumbling as I try to get the Iams out to fill his food dish...I'm ridiculous.

The scenes playing in my mind are lengthy and the darn train still isn't here? The token booth clerk makes an announcement saying that the trains are delayed due to a sick passenger at 72nd Street. I come to my senses. At this point a cab is a must because I am completely sober, kind of, and it's late/early in the morning and what the hell was I thinking? I am not built for taking the train at these type of hours.

I know this.

I exit the station. Why are there so many men out here? The weather is changing, that's why. They begin with the calling out and it was just so many of them that I secretly became frazzled and scared. There were no cabs in sight. WHAT THE WHAT???? Cabs are so plentiful here and what is this fear I have taking over every piece of me? I don't understand. "Listen to that instinct and keep it moving Metch." I get to the next corner and notice that it's not a good place to stop either. I was was still afraid. I was just down the street from my sister's... To my niece's dismay I decided to call her. I had to wake her up because at this point I have a very light jog going in in my heels...thank you God for making me choose the 3inch heels this morning and not the 4.5 inch ones...I'm really scared, and bothered by my questionable fear. What exactly am I afraid of? "I'm so sorry to wake you up(as I jog to the house) but I can't catch a cab, the trains are screwed and I'm scared please open the door." Aloud she says, "okay," but I hear her cursing me and asking," why is my aunt crazy?" I can't be offended, my call did force her to leave her bed and I was asking the same thing. Why am I crazy? I get in the house I take off my shoes, drop the bag, too lazy. I had a very good night so I couldn't think and the fear was real so I did not get a blanket. I just to buttoned up my jacket and went to sleep on the sofa. I'm so happy my niece woke up...Niece, I love you.

4. After stuffing my face with chocolate covered almonds, almonds, cheeses, crackers, chocolate, cookies, pita chips, hummus, pizza, and the Rita's water ice and pretzels MinDog and I just had to have before arriving at Mrs. Levine's for the impromptu Good Friday get together, Mrs. Levine brings out a bowl of berries and grapes. Sits the bowl right in front of me. How did she know? It's as if my full soul talked to hers and she knew. She knew I was full. Stuffed to capacity, too much of everything. Too much drink and too much joy. Laughing is essential when you live a Shitty Fab life. Only one thing in that moment could make me happier. Two things really. Berries and grapes. It didn't matter that I was full. It didn't matter that I had already consumed enough calories to fuel three adults for a day. Berries and Grapes. They were good and cold, and crisp and crunchy just the way I like them. When I eat a good piece of fruit, no lie, I think of heaven and sex and laughing. Mrs. Levine I think I love you. I feel good, all is right with the world. MinDog heads home to her old buzzard and I decide I'm going to stop at the sister's before I go home.

3. I meet MinDog after a day of working with ASTEP. It's not really work. I'm having fun with these teens and young adults. Playing games, teaching, learning, creating, exploring...Mo makes me laugh. Tucks is still giving me hell because of the impostor situation, his jokes are funny though and Will is so chill that I try to rile him up him just because I can. It doesn't work. We make these elaborate lesson plans and then let them fly out the window. There is nothing better than team teaching...like regular improvisation you just say yes. Also whenever I have no idea/forget where I may be going with a particular lesson, I don't really have to worry...one of them always brings it home and I feel so smart because of how they wrap it at the end...wrapping up is not my strong suit...I know this. I play my position and they play their positions and it's something to behold. The flow of energy in the room is beautiful. You would think we had been teaching together for years. We haven't. Team I think I love you.

2a. I woke up in the morning a bit tossed. I have to teach. I pull it together. One way I tend to get myself together on mornings like this- heels. See, if I put on sneakers like I really want to...I'm doomed. Heels remind/force me to keep it together. Each click of the heel says business, professional, role model or something. The click is a reminder. I am in need of reminders today. I had one too many drinks. I'm so good at hyper-focusing that I have the ability to fool myself. I always think I can have one more and I can and I do. However, the next morning always requires a certain level of hyper-focus...only 3 inches today. I can't do anything above 3 inches. That would be dangerous. Lesson plan come to me now...I will you to come. Got it. Thank you God, again. I always find myself thanking God profusely. I am a mess.

2. When I drink, I never realize how much I have to drink until the next morning. Now that sounds bad but it's not. Let me explain, just so you know, I never get drunk to the point where I wouldn't be able to make a business deal. I mean I never do this when I am in a setting where potential employers are and I never do this on a first date or second for that matter and I never do this on Tuesdays and I never do this...sometimes I just have to hyper-focus in order to keep it together but I'm not drunk. Drunk is not a good look. Thursday night was a hyper-focus night. So much was happening. It was my first time ever going to a Broadway opening night and I felt fabulous, I looked fabulous, the food was fabulous, I was star gazing and there were spirits everywhere. Let the drinking begin...the only thing that would have made the night better? Oh, easy answer. Me on Kelsey Grammer's arm on the red carpet being photographed by all of the press. Not because we are a couple or anything like that but because I am the star of the new play or television show he is producing see...and because of this we have become best friends and his wife couldn't make it to the opening night of this production so she called me and asked if I would accompany him because he enjoys my essence and would have a dashing time if I went with him as his date for the evening...that's the only thing that would have made the night better...that or meeting Oprah...how about I have a lesson plan I need to create for tomorrow... I'm just going to push that to the back of my mind for the moment...I'll do that in the morn...that's what I decided and that's exactly what I did.

1. Home. Getting ready to be one of Gabe's 5 dates for the opening night of the play he is currently working on. I parade in about 8 dresses for my cousin. She picks one that I felt like wearing. That was simple. I meet T-Bone. We head to the theatre. Festivities. We take a ton of pics. We see the play. We walk to the party.