Daddy Diaries

*If you are not a regular reader of Our Daddy Diaries scroll to the bottom to begin at the beginning...It's better that way...  Isn't it always better to work your way up to the top?

My Sperm Donor- 

Entry #5

Not only did my sperm donor cheat on my beautiful mother, he also had her unknowingly cook for the women, invite them to dinner parties, name one of them my sister's Godmother and the ultimate-  sent my mother to one of the crazy hair stylists he was banging and that bitch woman BURNED MY MOTHER'S HAIR OFF.  

Mother didn't find out his relation to all of these women until after the divorce... How did mother do it?

Wait I forgot to say I knew all of these women.  They were always around- now I know why.

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles

Entry #10

So I decided to pick this up again after a friend said the Daddy Diaries are good and funny... and I do have whoa so many...

I always thought that  Kenny's life of crime... wait did I talk about his life of crime?  Well, I guess those stories will come.


PICK-UP: I always thought his life of crime was EXTREMELY cool and I remember bragging to my friends about the perks... and I quote...


Young Amina (MinDog): " My Dad is all dat!  Imma get him to steal me a JEEP for my 16th birthday, watch."

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles
Entry #9

Lesson #3: Stealing is funny...but don't do it!


When I was in 8th grade I went to the drugstore and stole a pack of index cards. I stole them just because...I wanted to see if I could. Call me crazy...call me a Robinson...whatever. Nevertheless, I took the cards to Kenny Charles. He was sitting on the bed in his room at Gram's house...


I walk in...sit next to him...and I say, "Dad I just did something bad." I was nervous to tell him. He says, "What?" I say, "I stole this pack of index cards."
Kenny looks and starts laughing. He takes the cards from my hand and laughs even harder as he looks at them. I thought he was gonna BUST! Then he says as he puts his arm around me...


"AAAAHHHHHH...that's ma girl...that's MY DAUGHTER AAAAAHHHHH" Followed by a, "Sike no don't be stealing."




Let's Call Him Kenny Charles 

Entry #8
 

Mr Charles is an official Boogie Eater! My mother (Let's call Her Crazy Heart), is the biggest follower of this blog.


She read about her former husband Kenny Charles in Our Daddy Diaries and decided to tell me this one...


Years ago...I may have been a baby...


She was looking at Kenny Charles from the window of her job. He was waiting for her to get out, as he leaned on a wall. She watched as Kenny searched for gold in the proverbial cave of his nose. And while she didn't see a boogie come out (too far away I guess) she did note that he was wiping the boogies on the wall that he was leaning on and then pulled out a Butterscotch Krimpet Pastry and ATE IT!
The main question is...were there boogies on that pastry, and DOES that even MATTER?

 

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles

Entry #7

 
Lesson #2 Your Eyes Don't Always Tell the Truth


So I am a teen. I 'm standing in the hall talking to my dad (let's just call him Kenny Charles)...and we are talking. I can't even remember the topic. Maybe he was speaking to me in arabic or something or telling me about crime, or that God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we listen more than we talk...I don't know. 


Whatever it was he was speaking really fast in his "serious voice". And in the middle of conversation he picks his nose...like ALL UP IN IT! I am instantly disgusted, I hate bodily fluids (see my blog on being crazy), and Kenny Charles picks his nose right in front of me and out comes a slimy boogie that I promise you to this day...HE ATE...RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES!


I stopped all conversation and said, "WAIT...Dad...Did you just stand in front of me and eat a boogie?" My jaw dropped as I spoke and I was sort of laughing because I couldn't believe it! He looks me dead in the eye and says, "No, No, No," (as if I was seeing things) "I didn't eat no boogie, come on now..."
So remember...never trust your eyes...they lie.

My Sperm Donor- 

Entry #4

My sperm donor is responsible for any pictures of me with a Jherri Curl.  He was dating a hair dresser...need I say more?

  

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles

Entry #6

Kenny came to visit today since I am in Philly and we had a nice time talking. He got very sentimental talking about his spotted past...He even told me this little tid bit...

KC: Yeah Mink, when you were little you used to love to go to the playground. It was always, "Daddy I wanna go to the playground!" Oh man Mink it was so fun. You always wanted to go and sit in the sandbox. (he laughs) Yeah you used to only want to go and sit. You never did anything in it...you would just sit. You wouldn't dig or nothing...you only wanted to sit there and hold a bucket...I thought you were slow.

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles

Entry #5

So I am shooting a guest star on this pilot and I play the the Rza's Baby Momma...I found out that a friend of mine, Bryan Johnson, is playing the judge. I am walking out of the hotel with Bryan and on the phone with Kenny Charles...

Here is the convo.

Me: Yeah I am excited because my friend is playing the judge! We are gonna get to shoot the courtroom scenes together for the next two days!

Kenny: Oh that's good...tell them if they need someone to be the defendant to just give me a call...I've got experience.

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles

Entry #4

This is a story my mom told me when I was a teen. 

She was walking us to school one day and we were  whoa so sad!

When we got there she stopped out front and asked my older brother and I (my iddy babby baby bruuda was not born yet), "What is wrong...you two seems so down today?" See we used to sing songs and play games in the mornings on the way to school, but this particular morning we were not featuring that!

So, with our super sad faces on my older brother says, "We are sad because Daddy is looking for a new wife!" Of course my Mom is like..."What, why would you say that? Why do you think that?  To which my brother replied..."Because when me and Mina were jumping on your bed we found a book of wives under the mattress!"

OH BUDDY...KENNY Why not find a better hiding space for ya porn!

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles-

Entry #3

I used to love going to the park with Kenny Charles! He was always so much fun! Afterward, he would buy us meatball sandwiches from the deli! My brother and I loved it! OH KENNY!

And when we behaved badly he would chase us around the house with a belt that he called BIG BUCK...which was a huge belt from the 70's with...you guessed it...a HUGANIMOUS buckle! And he wouldn't beat us with it!...NO...discipline was a game with Kenny Charles! He would catch us and TICKLE US! OH KENNY! WHAT FUN!

He let us drink Pepsi at 3 years old!...even coffee! Let me help him fry beef bacon on the stove standing on a chair! Man OH MAN! Those were the good ole' days!

My Sperm Donor- 

Entry #3

My father takes me to dinner at some woman's house.  I think I was around 12 or 13 years old; I may have been 10 or 11.  I thought nothing of it.  I had to attend dinner with him at random houses before.  It was no big deal.  As we were going I said to myself, "this is probably his new girlfriend, hope she's nice and pretty at least because I doubt I'll eat the food."  See, he never really dated anyone or had 'friends' whose food or houses I really trusted and my mom said don't eat at everyone's house so I usually just drank lots of water and pretended to eat.  We get to the woman's house.  I'm taking off my coat and he says:

My father:  This is my wife and my son.

WHAT THE WHAT?

Imagine my shock and all the stuff I really wanted to say.  My parents divorced when I was about 6.  Years passed and there were girlfriends but he never told me he got married.  He still has never told me.  That introduction was the telling...and when I heard that 8-10 year old boy say, "dad," I almost had a heart attack.  When did all this happen?  When the fuck did you get married and have an 8-10 year old son who just had the nerve to ask me what my last name was just so he could tell me that we shared the same last name?  After I said my respectful hello I was silent for the rest of the night.

I was also traumatized.  I found out about a year later, a year after I made many calculations and did a lot of speculating that my father had legally adopted her son and the son wasn't a secret love child.  That sort of softened the blow a bit but all of it was still too much for me.  A lot of work is involved with legal adoption.  At the very least there is a lot of paper work.  It amazes me that he never thought it was important to tell me, during the process, that he was adopting a kid or getting married again...I'll never understand.

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles - 

ENTRY #2

Question...Why does Kenny Charles call me from a different phone number whenever we speak? 

My Sperm Donor- 

Entry #2

Um, why doesn't my Sperm Donor ever call?

My Sperm Donor- 

Entry #1

One day my father was giving us (MinDog and me) a ride home.  His phone rang. He answered.

Caller: What are you doing?

My father: Giving somebody a ride home.

Did he just say, "somebody?"  I'm still wondering why he didn't say my daughter... 

Let's Call Him Kenny Charles- 

Entry #1

Before you read this I feel the need for a disclaimer...I LOVE MY DAD!  He is a character!  These are all in good fun!  ENJOY!

Lesson #1 Never Be Ashamed of the Human Body

My Mom was always very good about making sure we knew about our bodies and anatomy and private places. I mean I think I knew all about my vagina by the time I was two, and that it was my private part. I knew my brother had a penis and it was his private part. LOL "private parts" That is what my Mom taught us to call them...even though I knew the proper names for each. She was so smart and always knew how to handle delicate subjects.

ENTER KENNY CHARLES...My Dad

He had a special way...no frills...you could say.

I accidentally walk in on him in the tub one fine day.

ME: AAAAAHHHHHH!! I'm sorry Daddy!! You don't have any clothes on!

KC: Hey Hey Hey...Calm down now...it's alright...just go ahead and go pee. Look Minky (he used to call me minky) never be ashamed of the human body. It's natural...go pee. I'm yourdaddy...it's just a dick.