FINALLY

evolution of a goal is what the title of this entry could be
but that sounds strange and isn't quite right...
and the entry isn't about the goal...FINALLY, I'll go with that.

FINALLY. I ALWAYS wanted to do it. Okay, maybe not ALWAYS but since second grade. That's almost ALWAYS, right?

Actually, this wasn't the original goal. The goal I had in second grade- morphed into what it currently is a few years ago...my family and friends are tired of hearing me talk about it. I'm tired of hearing me talk about it...the talking is done.


BACKGROUND INFO

I'm not sure but the origin of this goal may have something to do with my childhood fascinations. I was fascinated with fire, the Olympics and gymnasts and competition and Arnold Schwarzenegger and dancers and discipline and Diana Sands and stages. I can't pinpoint which of those listed sparked the initial inspiration but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that I was inspired...

So inspired that one day after watching Predator, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, I said it out loud. I had kept it under wraps for years. I couldn't keep it in anymore...

THE BIG REVEAL
I said to my brother(I'm sure he conveniently doesn't recall this), "I want to be a body builder." In response he said, "if you do that you'll never get married."

Well, that meant no body building for me. I had to get married. I was a girl and I thought that's what women did(my mom was not responsible for that thought...it was the soap operas). Women were grown up girls who did a whole bunch of stuff to become professionals and then they got married and had babies and kept doing stuff but mainly they got married and had babies. The idea that I wouldn't live a soap opera life and utter marriage vows that I intended to keep, unlike the women on soap operas, frightened me. My brother's statement put fear in me and I silently vowed to never reveal my body building desire again.


Hmm...body building and acting my two sort of secret interests as a child...um...

THE MORPH

I no longer want to be a body builder. Haven't wanted to be that for years, but the desire to attain a specific level of physical fitness didn't leave me completely. That desire was replaced with a diluted version of itself.

The new desire is to enter a fitness competition. You know, the all natural kind where you work your behind off, become completely fierce and so toned that it looks like you don't have an ounce of fat on you(I will keep an ounce of fat- some things I like you know) and you prance around doing a slightly choreographed routine with movement that showcases strength and flexibility and you pose periodically while wearing oil and a bathing suit of sorts...yes, I've reduced it to that for the sake of quick explanation but it's not just that...I know, for sure, that the commitment and discipline required have hooked me...

It's a personal challenge.

FINALLY the talking is done. I made the plan and have put the plan into action. I'm giving all. This will not be another false start or abandoned attempt to complete this challenge. I'm ready to cross this one off the list of things I want to do...HERE I GO...FINALLY.

...and these pics are from the day I began...

*I wrote this post almost three weeks ago...I didn't post it because after writing it I was instantly afraid of not completing the goal and failing in front of our following few(THANKS FOR FOLLOWING!)...then I had a slight mini breakdown(the funny, unexpected kind that I am prone to have) after an intense workout that highlighted ALL the areas I really need to work on(it's basically EVERY AREA). I cried as I bemoaned my dumb idea/goal to complete a fitness competition. I wanted to kill myself for telling everybody once again that I was tackling the challenge. "This is hard and I don't know if I can really do it," I cried and cried... and I only came to my senses after my workout partner stared at me blankly(thanks Teyonah, the non verbal shut the f*** up was exactly what I needed to see/hear) and the instructor said, "come on, if you wanna do it you'll do it." I had nothing to say after he said that and I also had no more tears...I did TRULY realize how difficult this personal challenge is...has anybody ever heard of an easy challenge?

Dear Challenge,

I see you for what you are. You are hard work. I am not afraid of work!

I understand that you will consistently kick my ass. I need you to know that I don't care. This time I mean business. BRING IT! Make me cry again. I have something for you if you do.

I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES...THIS IS FOR REAL...FINALLY, IT IS FOR REAL.

Sincerely,
Metch