Girlfriend Material

I was on a date. " Technically a first date." What's the technicality? I have no idea. Now this "technical first date" was pretty funny. Funny because 1. I wasn't even sure if it was a date until I was on it and was asked if it was "technically a first date" 2. It was set up via facebook(no I did not meet him on-line, that's just how the "technical first date" was set up) and 3. At two different points there were three people on the date. What do we call that? SHITTY FAB!


On the date one third party person was speaking about some woman. He was saying that she has been dropping subtle hints, letting him know that she was available. I wanted to know why he wouldn't see what she was all about, give her a chance. When I posed the question date and third party said, "She's not girlfriend material." You know I had to ask(like I don't know). What makes a woman girlfriend material? They both gave me a bullshit answer.


"It's a visceral response." Whatever. So I ask what makes a woman NOT girlfriend material(this I really don't know since I fall into the girlfriend material category-that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it, I'm really curious, never thought about it from that side, wonder what the answers will be- will it just be the exact opposite of the you ARE girlfriend material list or is there something unexpected that will be mentioned…). I get another bullshit answer. "That's also a visceral response." Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.


They were not being honest and I wondered why. I had my suspicions that ranged from- they were not being honest because they didn't want to offend me to maybe this is crazy conversation for a "technical first date." I nixed the latter because the conversation up to that point had gone everywhere so that couldn't be it. I left it alone but not before telling them that I knew their answer was a bullshit answer. Based on several factors women categorize men almost immediately and I know men do the same.


My quest for an honest answer, directly from a man's mouth, made me do what? Call THE EX.


THE EX: First I have to tell you that they didn't answer because they are conditioned not to answer.


Metch: What?


THE EX: If they are honest it can cause problems. Men don't want to look like assholes.


Metch: I knew it.


THE EX: Children. If she has children already something says no. You may end up there but initially there aren't many men who want that. Children or even one child is a package that you may not be looking for. That is if you don't have any either. I'm talking about single men who do not have children. They generally don't want a woman who has children(if they just met...it's a little different if it's somebody you grew up with or have been friends with for a while). You can't tell a woman having a child means you are not girlfriend material. Even if SHE doesn't have one, her sister or aunt or cousin might and then she is offended and your date is ruined.


Metch: Completely understand. I don't have kids and I don't want a ready-made family so I don't see what's wrong with saying that. There is a way to say it and in the end it's just more conversation but and sort of an also- after a certain age people tend to have children so I think this is a questionable point on the list...I won't waste your time getting on 90 year old men who want to date 4 year old women. Oh and before you even ask- yes, it is okay in the reverse...


THE EX: Come on Meech, I'll ignore the last part of what you just said. Next, She can't appear to be a floozy. If there is a slight chance that she is or has been a floozy it must be hidden. Floozy like qualities that are noticeable at first glance do not make you girlfriend material.


Metch: That one is a given.


THE EX: This one is in line with the first because it can make you come off as an asshole. Education. Depending on who you are dealing with a certain level of education is expected. You can't say that shit out loud. What if you are talking to a woman who has worked her ass off and is doing what she wants to be doing and has reached a certain level…you can't tell her she's not girlfriend material because she doesn't have a certain degree.


Metch: Yes, that one definitely puts you in the asshole category. What you just said doesn't even make sense. So you would tell a successful woman to take a walk because she doesn't have a certain degree? That makes you a dummy and an asshole.


THE EX: Some men would. I'm not saying I would. I'm giving you the basics. Last but not least on this basic list- she cannot be fat or she has to be willing to go to the gym. I know some people are into fat but I'm speaking for those who are not. A fit man wants a fit woman. In order for you to be girlfriend material you have to have some sense about your appearance. I'm not talking about what you wear but your physicality. No man wants to get involved with a woman who is potentially not presentable, who can't be or isn't active…that's not fun.


Metch: Yeah you sound like an asshole there too...kinda...I just didn't workout today and I feel guilty. No, you sound like an asshole.


THE EX: The list comes with variations and additions depending on the man you are speaking to of course…but I would say that these four show up in some way on every man's list.
Now that I think about it I hope there isn't a master list of things that make you girlfriend material or not. Maybe there is. THE EX's list is brief and flawed but I wanted a man to give me a list and he did. He's right about one thing- the list definitely depends on who you are.


Ultimately I think Mindog is right…that list doesn't matter once you identify the thing you are fuckin'/dating/having sexual relations with/conversing with...however you want to say it. Oh buddy, I have already admitted that I am an elaborate list maker. I will also admit that if he is a man that falls into the BHHS category that list of must haves will probably become irrelevant... at least for a shitty fab moment…a list is a technicality.