101 DAYZ: Tax Time

So all I can think about today is the stress of preparing my tax stuff to take to the accountant.

I don't want to have to think about being with child and doing taxes.

UNTIL...

I realized that next year, for once, I can get money back because of my little X Man!

YEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Why didn't I have a child earlier?
MINdog OWT!

101 Dayz: I Can't See My Vag...

I can't believe that I could have my wittle widda widda in as little as 9 weeks!!!

CRAZY!

Today I sat in front of my wall mirror and stared at my "you know what..."

Why did I just get shy?

I stared at my "private part" with my legs agape and I just sat and thought about it. In as little as nine weeks a little baby could possibly come out of my "THING"!


Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

My itty bitty little tiny weeny vag! OH MAN!

I stopped being nervous about labor a while ago, but ya know when I looked at my vag...I kinda got a little bit nervous. HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME!

To add to this, unless I am looking for it in a mirror, I can't even see my vagina! I haven't seen it in weeks!

OH Pregnancy. OH Pregnancy.

MINdog OWT!

Third Date- Part I

Around this time last year I was theoretically deleting must haves from my perpetually growing must have list.  I had seen the light.  The pressure from friends and wise ones, and all the Oprah quotes that were being spouted by the friends and wise ones had become too much.  It was time to step out and leave my secure imagined world.  

I did it.  I deleted some must haves and behold the number of dates increased.  Of course there were several duds along the way but when the must have list was active I had just as many duds so I've learned that the list didn't/doesn't  really matter (as it relates to weeding out duds).

THE STORY

Here I am on my third date with a man who has/seems to be everything that was on the original must have list.  That's amazing right?

It's a nice date.  Towards the end of it he's asking me a lot of questions and that's fine but I didn't feel like answering them but I answered them- not in a fully giving way but I answered them.  He's talking and I'm listening but really I'm thinking more than listening and I'm wondering WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.

I was a little bothered because we "ran into a few of his friends by chance."  Now there's nothing wrong with that I suppose.  I mean I'm flattered that he wanted his friends to secretly scope me out and grill me- fine I'll admit it- I WAS ANNOYED when I was conveniently left alone with one of his girlfriends and she began asking a thousand questions as if I had proposed to the man and we were about to elope. 

I guess I went along with it because all involved were decent company and despite the grilling I was having a good time.  I didn't know people still set up "by chance meetings of friends" but I don't know a lot of things...  His friends were nice and he's nice and that matters but the truth is I'm not really interested or am I?  That's where all the wonder began.  

Why am I not interested in this beautiful, beautiful man?  Maybe I am interested and I don't want to admit it.  Our dates have been spread out and our communication has been constant so though it was the third date it felt like the ninth.  That should be good and it was/is but...

Just before the "by chance meeting" of his friends, he looked over at a couple (they were clearly in their own world) and asked, "Do you think that could be us?"  

WHHAAATTT?  This was the turning point...  I had no answer.  I just giggled.  It was all I could think to do.  When I giggle I know I need to run so I did.  I excused myself and dove into the ladies room.  

I calmly stood in front of the mirror applying  lipstick that I didn't need and fixing hair that wasn't out of place- on the inside I was cracking up.  Why did he have to ask that stupid question?   Why did I think the question was stupid?

He has been very blunt from the beginning about what he is looking for so in honesty that question shouldn't have surprised me, meeting his friends shouldn't have surprised me either but both did.

I struck a few silly poses in the mirror and allowed myself to laugh out loud in an attempt to get out of my head and just have fun.  Now I had a little pep in my step.  I just needed a breather.  Time to return to the "date."  

When I came out of the ladies room I was greeted by three of his friends.  Two guys and a gal.  No room to breathe here.  The effect of the poses and laugh wore off immediately.  From crazy question to meeting two of his life long friends and the wife to the closest one.  UMMMMMMMMM...

When the friends went about their business and it was just the two of us again I was too aware of myself and way too aware of how interested in me he is.  SH*T, this was turning out to be the best worst third date I have ever been on and I so badly wanted to give in and let it be the best but the worst had already involved itself so I was stuck...

END PART I

Listen Up!

The time has come.

Click here and hit the like button on the MinDog & Metch facebook page.

We had been avoiding it but then sheer madness took over.

Come on- join the craze, the madness and let the world know that you co-sign our shitty fabulous-ness!!! (The rhyme was too shitty fab to resist).

The truth is- things are in the works people...  Stay tuned and   LIKE OUR PAGE ON FACEBOOK!


Thank you MUCH,

MinDog & Metch

101 Dayz: The Sugar Test

I just had my sugar test to see if I'm gonna get gestational diabetes. EXCITING!!!

First I had to not eat from 8pm to 10am the next morning (which ended up being 11am).

And when you're preggers that is the same as DIRE STARVATION!!!

I get to the doctor's office at 8am have blood drawn...drink a sugar drink...have blood drawn again an hour later...and then MORE BLOOD DRAWN an hour after that!

Am I being a baby? Possibly...alright I am.

BUT I mean come on! Getting all poked up 3 TIMES... I've had more blood drawn since getting knocked up than I've ever had in my entire life.


Doesn't the baby need that blood?

Just saying...

MINdog OWT!

101 Dayz - Nipples

I guess I'll begin with an update to catch you up to where I am now.

I have gained about 20 pounds...

Am just about in my 7th month...

I itch like crazy...

Thank God I have not gotten any stretch marks yet (thanks to Monica Kapoor)...

Am studying the Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth...

Did I mention that I am having a natural childbirth? WERK!

And the craziest thing so far is my nipples!

THE NIPPLE STORY

In my first trimester my nipples began to itch like CRAZY! Especially my right one! Why did no one ever tell me this could happen?

And when I asked Crazy Heart (my MOM) all she said was, "Oh yeah, the old nipple itch."

But I had a solution...

I got my bath gloves out of the shower, left them dry and sat for a day scratching my little right boob and it felt divine.

D said it was a bad idea but I thought, "What does he know, his nipple doesn't itch like this!"

So the following day I did it a bit more. This time it felt good, but hurt too. You know like when you have a itch and you keep scratching it because it feels good, but burns at the same time...or is it just me?

Annnnywwaaayyyy... The next day I was greeted with scabs...DID YOU HEAR ME!! SCABS on my NIPPLE! ALL OVER!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The worst part...

As I told my friends my story of horror/ comedy (because I find most things very funny, especially after the pain is gone...) no one was surprised...

PHOTO: Me pregnant sleeping at a club where I had just hosted the Out of the Ensemble Cabaret...Chosen because I think my boobs look FIERCE!!

MINdog OWT!

UNANSWERED

It's time to discuss this matter.  It's time to get down to business and call people out.  

If you are not an adult you get a pass.  If you are an adult it's time to man up or woman up- if you prefer that phrase.

Have you ever heard somebody say, "no response is a response."  I hear that statement and say it all the time.  I don't want to hear it anymore; I don't want to use it anymore.  While no response is a kind of response an actual response would be nice.  An actual response is better.  There is too much pressure and sometimes pain involved when I or anyone has to figure out what your lack of response really means...

 Don't leave me standing in the room looking at you wondering if I actually asked the question out loud.  Don't have me checking my sent mail to see if I actually sent that email.  Don't have me looking at my phone seven days after the fact because you haven't replied to the text I sent you seven days ago.  Just respond in a decent amount of time after initial contact is made.  Yeah you may be busy, you may be.  However it is dead wrong to all of a sudden become available when you have to contact me because you need me to answer your question.  

It's awkward when I have to ask, "did you get my text?"  Really awkward when we both know you did and you try to find a way to say that you didn't but in the end you can't because it's 2011 and communication methods are too advanced for your lies...

If you're in the early stages of dating someone and they don't respond to your communication- who cares?  It's clear what that is.  He or she is not into you as they say.  I mean sometimes you find yourself wondering why but in the end it doesn't matter because it shouldn't.  

If you are dear friends, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or business partners of some kind or siblings or have any kind of meaningful relationship the lack of response becomes offensive and insulting especially when you pretend a question wasn't asked or a topic wasn't put on the table for discussion.  

People ask you questions and want information because, whatever the subject is, it matters to them.  Have some respect give a response.  Even if you say, "I don't want to talk about this right now" or "I don't know how to respond to that."  It doesn't matter what your answer is -BUT DON'T BE SILENT OR LEAVE COMMUNICATION UNANSWERED.  It's not fair and it hurts.

Grow some balls or some breasts, be an adult and simply say, "I need to talk about this later," or "I don't know the answer to that," or "No," or "I can't make up my mind," or "I don't like you," or " You make me sick," or "Get out of my face,"  or whatever it is you are feeling but DON'T BE SILENT OR LEAVE COMMUNICATION UNANSWERED.

MinDog'z 101 Days

So... By the time everyone/ anyone reads this I will already have a baby!

I have managed to keep it secret from folks because I felt rather private about it.

Back in the day, before the internet, the only folks that knew were the ones you saw face to face, decided to call, or write. NOW...PALLEEEZZZEEE! The whole world can know with just a click of a keyboard and that notion freaked me out.

BUT...

I decided to share my experience when I looked on one of my pregnancy apps and it said I only have 101 dayz left. And of course I got hype!

D and I have been together for 10 years going on 11 this summer (at the time I am writing this) and 5 going on 6 years of marriage. I guess it's about time I had baby. LOL...

I DON'T REALLY MEAN THAT!

I am a planner and this little wizza wazzit was well thought out and thank God, created because we both wanted him. OH DID I MENTION IT IS A BOY!!!!! I WANTED A BOY SO BADLY!! A little baby buzzard to match the big old buzzard I married!

So AN-T-WAY! We have a baby now! And these journal like blogs that I am gonna venture to stick to...(METCH don't say a word dang it) will tell all who want to know what the heck I have been up to from January 18th to the birth of my widdle Evan Xavier Gosnell.

OH SHIT, I am gonna be a MOM!!!

SHOULD THERE BE A LAW?!?!?!

MinDog OWT!

PS that lovely picture of me was drawn by my friend Samantha Eggers.

NEVER-FLIPPING-MIND

Excuse the language but Julie Rivera says this warrants an expletive or two.

That a**hole mother******!

Just when I was about to hit redial I remembered Adele already sang what I had to say- particularly from the beginning to the 40 second mark.  She definitely said it with more beauty and clarity than I could have mustered in that moment.

Seriously, NEVERMIND!!!

That dummy should have read MiniManifesto.  ONWARD!

POPULATION CONTROL

Like I'm supposed to I keep showing off pics of The Godson.  That's his hand to left.  Right after people comment on how handsome and beautiful he is and send their love and congrats to the parents they turn to me and say one of two things. Either, "you're next" or they ask "when are you having yours?"

Can we focus on The Godson please?  


I do give an answer but nobody is ever ready for it and they look at me like I have two heads or they tell me I will change my mind or that I'm being absurd or a whole host of things...

At the moment I believe I have been selected for population control.  That means no babies will be nourished by my body or exit any canals that are a part of said body.

Nothing is absolute.  That I've learned time and time again so I won't go too far and say, "I'll never have kids,"  but right now I think I'm excellent in my population control position.

It suits me.  Kind of like my titles of Aunt and Godmother.  I love those titles.  Have always wanted to be an Aunt and a Godmother.

At one point I thought I liked and wanted the Mom title but now that I think about it I'm pretty sure I  only entertained that idea because that's what I'm supposed to do...

An official apology:

Dear Sister, sorry that I won't make you an aunt but that's what our brother and MinDog are for.  Love, Malachi

Has anybody else out there been selected for population control or am I really a strange being?

Poop Meet Metch or Call Me GODMOTHER

I had just left Jamaica, where I attended my dear friends' wedding.  It was beautiful.  Because I was filled with love after watching them unite nothing could keep me from smiling.

I was on top of the world.  It's not hard when you are in Jamaica, on the beach, drinking festive drinks and letting the sun hit you everywhere.  Not hard at all.

I started thinking about MinDog's wedding.  The one where I was destined to be maid of honor but wasn't because they did the most romantic thing- they eloped and got married on a mountain overlooking the ocean.  Is that grand or what?

Anyway...so I was in the airport.  I just got off of the plane in Charlotte, was headed to my connecting flight, which I was afraid I was going to miss, when I got a text that made custom officials think I was carrying something I shouldn't have been.  I screamed so loudly that I was selected for the "random" search.  All fear of missing my flight vanished.  I was too engrossed in the text I had just received.  A text from D.  A picture of my Godson.  My beautiful Godson.  He's healthy, with all his fingers and toes and... Min will give you all the details at a later date.

Godmother is so much better than maid of honor.

I wanted to yell and do cartwheels.  I wanted to tell everybody around me to just call me Godmother.  I wanted to hand out cigars.  I wanted to hug MinDog and D and tell them how beautiful they are and how much I love and thank them for letting me feel like a parent since I'll probably  never have kids so this is the closest I'll come to being called mom.  SO EVERYONE JUST CALL ME GODMOTHER!!!  I thought when I left Jamaica the level of my natural high would drop- NOT AT ALL!

So I ran to my connecting flight.  The one that would bring me back to NYC to see my newest family member.  Let me tell you- I could barely breathe with all of the excitement.

I collected my suitcase in New York, stepped outside and before I could get in the taxi queue a bird pooped on my head.  I laughed hysterically.  The poop is good luck right?  Or it was God telling me to get ready for months of diaper changes... either way I'm ready.  For the luck and the diapers.

Bring it on and don't forget to call me GODMOTHER!

P.S.
So MinDog started writing this series called 101 Days when she realized she had approximately 101 days left before her son would arrive... she will begin posting them shortly.  I peeked at a few- some are funny, some informative, some mushy and all are filled with love.  I think you'll enjoy reading them so come back to the blog to check 'em out.

And again, don't forget to call me GODMOTHER!

WORD!