Conversations...

You know I love to relay snippets of conversations.  My friends are funny(sometimes).  In between our conversations that detail how we plan to save the children of the world, creativity in our respective art forms and the State of The Union you might hear insanity similar to what's below.

Snippet A- THE LAW

Friend 1:
What does he do?

Metch:
(after hesitating) He's a cop.  A police officer.  He's in law enforcement.  Which sounds better and won't make you laugh in disbelief?

Friend 2:
Metch cops are like firemen-  for fantasy only!


Snippet B- PATHETICISM


Friend 1:
SHE IS PATHETIC!  Her patheticism gets on my last nerve.

Metch:
Is patheticism a word?  That's not a word.  Why do people use that word as if it's a word?

Friend 1:
Of course it's not a word but that won't stop me from using it.  You complaining about it won't stop me from using it.  She is pathetic and her patheticism gets on my nerves!

Metch:
Okay fine her patheticism gets on your nerves.  Calm down.  She's not worth it, you are upset over nothing.

Friend 1:
When you want to go around cursing people like you're in a Greek tragedy for a couple of days at a time- I let you.  Let me be upset about her patheticism.  (then after a gasp) O my goodness I'm pathetic.  I'm pathetic because I keep talking about her patheticism.

Metch:
In this moment you are a little pathetic but it's okay and understandable...don't cry...DO NOT CRY.  

Friend 1:
If I'm going to be pathetic I'm going to be full-out  pathetic.  I'll be crying for the rest of the night and you can keep rubbing my back.  I'm so pathetic.


Snippet C- WINE

Friend 1:
He brought like 80 bottles of two buck Chuck over.

Metch:
Maybe because he saw the 80 bottles in your house.

Friend 1:
Well if you see I already have 80 bottles why would you bring 80 more?

Metch:
Maybe he was being considerate.  He observed that you have crates of the stuff and wanted to add to your stash.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It's actually a nice gesture.

Friend 1:
But I hate that stuff.

Metch:
Well he didn't know that.  Does he know now?  Did you tell him?

Friend 1:
No.  I was all emotional and I started crying because I was so upset about having so much of the sh** and he thought I was in love with his gesture.

Metch:
That's not good.  He's gonna buy you that ish all the time now.  You have to tell him...you've been crying a lot lately.

Friend 1:
I know and I know and I know.

Metch:
(laughing)So you have like 160 bottles of two buck Chuck?

Friend 1:
(shaking her head yes, on the verge of tears) Assorted reds and a few whites.