The Best Dates Ever

I called MinDog with news. I thought she would be excited. To my surprise she was not. This is how the conversation went:

Metch:
I think I've decided I want to get married.

MinDog hung up the phone. I didn't understand why. For years she has been asking me to change my views about marriage and finally I decide that although I don't really like anybody I'm dating at the moment I may want to get married in the future. I spill my guts and she hangs up on me?

I called back.

Metch:
WHAT THE WHAT?!?!?!?!

MinDog:
If you get married we'll be two boring married women with husbands. You'll be boring like me and I won't be able to live vicariously through you. I won't be able to listen to your horrific dating stories. The good ones. I like the good ones too but what will I laugh about? Next thing, we'll be talking about the best dishwashers on the market and I don't want that life.

Metch:
Son, I'm not getting married tomorrow. I'm just saying I'm open to it now.

MinDog:
Don't be open to it.

Metch:
Ok

MinDog:
At least humor me and pretend you're not.

Metch:
Ok

MinDog:
Metch are you still in the phase where you think marriage isn't for you and you just want a dog child?

Metch:
Yes Min.

This conversation led me to think about some of the horrific dates MinDog liked laughing about.

1. The guy who literally would not move unless I opened the door for him because that's what he was/is accustomed to. He was serious. Dead serious. So I, like the ass I am, opened the door just enough to squeeze through. Snagged my dress in the process, fully intended to keep walking but had to turn back because I had left my phone in his car. I WANTED TO SCREAM!

2. You all remember Royal Blue.

3. The pool hall incident #1.

4. The anime incident.

5. The pool hall incident #2. For real- do I look like you should take me to the pool hall? I mean I love the pool hall with my friends and maybe if I know you- but the pool hall is not for a first date with me. ARGH! I understand. Sometimes I rock a facade of being down to earth but NO! Wait, I am am down to earth I'm just not a first date at the pool hall kind of woman...especially not with this particular winner...

6. The why is he wearing dog ears right now date? Did he just ask me for my opinion about homosexual men in heterosexual relationships?

7. I thought people stopped selling crack a long time ago. I don't know any real lawyers who sell crack too.

I'll stop here because I've realized MinDog might be right. How else will I continue to meet these choice men and continue to collect stories if I get married?

Oh and just so you know, I've started running experiments of my own because I'm convinced all of the men mentioned above, with the exception of Royal, were running experiments. My favorite experiment to conduct is the foul mouth one. Look it's fun... It may be a bit ridiculous but it's been fun to generate a story for someone else. In these moments I'm just doing my part to provide the universe with a bit of - let's call it comedy or we could say I'm giving back.